Dear family, friends, and fodder,
I decided to mainly write today so that I could share a glorious joke with you. (Those of you who follow me on Google +, or on Twitter, have probably already seen this. Margaret and Christine, I’m so sorry. (They follow me on both.))
March 4th, National Grammar Day, is also my grandmother’s birthday. There’s an excellent pun in there somewhere.
OK, so it wasn’t that great of a joke, but it made me giggle.
Several of you are now saying “I didn’t know there was a National Grammar day.” (The rest are saying, “You’re kidding. There’s a National Grammar Day? What next, a National Root Canal Day? National Scrape Your Fingernails On A Chalkboard Day?” (For the younger generation—a “Chalkboard” is an antique technology that we once used to didactically write, often to larger groups. When you scratch your fingernails on it there issues forth a torturous sound. I think it was a malfunctioning app.))
But yes, March Forth is National Grammar Day. Why did grammarians and other such language-loving nerds choose this particular day, out of all in the calendar?
Because it’s a sentence.
Aha! Now you all gasp with recognition as your brain forces you to quickly recognize the brilliance of the assignment of that day. (Also a pun.) You may also connect that many other nerd holidays fall in March: World Book Day (1), π day (14), the Ides of March (beware the 15), the spring equinox (dates vary—I think it depends on the Iowa Caucuses that year), and let’s not forget Theodor Geisel’s birthday (2). (Don’t recognize the name? His middle name was Seuss.)
So in honor of National Grammar Day, I have decided to cannily split all the infinitives in this letter. (Did I just go back to merrily put in more infinitives, only to mischievously split them? You will have to dazedly wonder.)
News of the actual family goes as follows: Pretty just registered for Kindergarten, Mighty moved up to the beginner class in Tae Kwon Do, and Charity and I tutor a lot of local teenagers.
Thursday of this week (World Book Day) we went to the elementary school to thoughtfully register Pretty for next year’s kindergarten class. She (and most of her friends—Angels and ministers of grace defend those two teachers) got to giddily try some activities with one kindergarten teacher while the parents sat to attentively listen to the other explain what their child should know before the first day. The list is fairly simple—write her name, recognize the letters in her name, and know the numbers 1-10. It was reminiscent of Mighty’s kindergarten roundup: I thought to myself then, too, “So, what if he was ready for that eight months ago?” She is ready, too, though I think she’ll be a different challenge for the teachers than her brother was. (She does, however, have one moment in her past reminiscent of the Hamlet-Point the Leaf controversy. Charity has one hairstyle that they call “Juliet hair” because it resembles the style worn by Amanda Seyfried in Letters to Juliet. The first time she did it in Pretty’s hair, she declared, “I’m the Princess of Shakespeare!” I need to carefully do less to literarily corrupt my children.) Anyway, this is an exciting time for her as she gets ready for school.
Don’t worry, though. She’s still our Pretty. Right now as she is sleeping (read “singing and pretending to quietly be asleep”) a line of riderless cavalry, largest to smallest, crosses her dresser.
Mighty has moved up in his Tae Kwon Do class, as I mentioned. I think I have mentioned before that he has been taking that class since September. He has enjoyed some remarkable success with it, including breaking his first board a couple of weeks back. (The board is on display at the house, if you want to bodily see it. So, Uncle Brian, just hop that plane from Guam so you can visually inspect an object whose picture I could just as easily post on my blog and let you see at your inconvenience.) He likes to diligently practice his form in the mornings (it’s a series of movements that he needs to exactly master in order to proudly earn his yellow belt), and he enjoys the workout of participating in class. Now that he is beyond the super-little-kids class, he goes twice a week. I can easily see now where the burnout of soccer moms can creep in; imagine having three or four kids who are actively involved in three or four different activities. (That’s right, Mark, and you too, teeny—imagine that very carefully.)
Don’t worry, though. He’s still our Mighty. Yesterday when his Lego Club magazine arrived he found the contest page and commenced immediately to creatively build a model of a garbage truck with an extremely long crane arm, though he tells us it’s for separating recyclables.
(I should invent a National Parallelism Day. We would spend it reading King Lear, Isaiah, and Nothing but the Truth.)
Charity and I, as I mentioned, have found ourselves tutoring a lot of teenagers in the neighborhood. (OK, “a lot” is deceptive. No more than seven have ever come, one of those is actually twenty, and two others have only come once. But I might also point out the number of teenagers currently in our posterity: 0.) Most of them come for math, though several come (or call in, readers of this letter) about chemistry, and two of them have Charity help them with history. Only rarely am I called upon to deftly employ my actual job-related skills and help students with essays. (If we expand the pool to our adult friends who are taking college classes, that frequency rises dramatically, from “once per dynasty” to “once per essay.”) Don’t get us wrong—we like helping these kids (and adults, for that matter). It gives Charity someone to shepherdessly feed after our kids’ friends all have to lamentably go home for the afternoon. It gives me a fresh sarcasm vent. (I understand summers are very hard on my family, because I have to inadvertently let out all that snark on the ones I love. Maybe I should just write more family letters in the summer to skillfully solve that.)
So, as you see, life at the Handy house continues to moss-ungatheringly roll along.
Mike, Charity, Mighty, and Pretty
P. S. Did I just work to CTRL-F-ly proofread this letter to ratifyingly certify that I had split each infinitive? You will have to continually wonder. Or, alternatively, to wonderingly count.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Super Tuesday
I was planning to write a post with my own musings about the upcoming primaries on Super Tuesday, but the fivethirtyeight post about it pretty much stole what thunder I don't have.
Summary: Mitt Romney is probably going to top 400 delegates after Tuesday. Not only does he survive the onslaught of the "anybody-but-Romney" candidates, but he gains on them further still.
Summary: Mitt Romney is probably going to top 400 delegates after Tuesday. Not only does he survive the onslaught of the "anybody-but-Romney" candidates, but he gains on them further still.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
How the BCS should unfold today
Six teams have auto-bids: LSU, Oklahoma State, Oregon, Clemson, Wisconsin, and "the highest ranked among West Virginia, Cincinnati, and Louisville," which is almost certain to be WV.
We all know Alabama and Stanford will get two other bids. That leaves two spots.
We all know Alabama and Stanford will get two other bids. That leaves two spots.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
City Elections today
Primary elections for city offices are being held throughout Utah today. There will probably be low voter turnout. Why? It's a city election. No one thinks to vote in a city election. The problem with that way of thinking is that city elections have much more effect on a citizen's day-to-day life than do presidential elections.
Everybody who votes votes in the presidential elections. That's kind of sad to me. Not that people are voting, but that they choose the least influential election to be the one where they cast their vote. Except in a few states, the individual citizen's vote has remarkably little effect on the outcome of a presidential election. Idaho will always go Republican; New Jersey will always go Democrat. The office of the President, further, has little to do with a citizen's everyday life. The city council and mayor, however, have everything to do with it--but nobody votes in those elections, which means they could be turned by three or four votes each way.
That is madness. I hope someday people use their common sense a little better. I hope they prove me wrong today.
Everybody who votes votes in the presidential elections. That's kind of sad to me. Not that people are voting, but that they choose the least influential election to be the one where they cast their vote. Except in a few states, the individual citizen's vote has remarkably little effect on the outcome of a presidential election. Idaho will always go Republican; New Jersey will always go Democrat. The office of the President, further, has little to do with a citizen's everyday life. The city council and mayor, however, have everything to do with it--but nobody votes in those elections, which means they could be turned by three or four votes each way.
That is madness. I hope someday people use their common sense a little better. I hope they prove me wrong today.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Pac-12: An Embarrassing Start
Sorry to say it, Pac-12, but you should be embarrassed at your first week.
Yes, you won more games than you lost. Yes, you scored a lot of points. But let’s take a look at how your week really went.
The Pac-12 teams finished 8-4. That’s not too bad, but when they are claiming to be among the BCS elite it’s pretty pathetic. Let’s examine some of the others. The Big 12 (now ten) went 10-0 for the first week, in the middle of talk that the conference could soon die as its best members were pillaged—by the Pac-12. The Big East (which we have all known for years does not deserve its automatic bid) went 8-0. The Big Ten (now twelve) went 10-2. Now, I’ll grant, one of those two losses was to Pac-12 heavyweight USC, but that almost imploded in the Pac-12’s collective face once again.
Shall we take a look at their week?
First, let’s examine Utah, my own neighborhood team. They celebrated their first game as a BCS AQ team in the fashion of most AQ teams: scheduling an unimpressive team from the FCS (formerly division I-AA) at home. A scheduled win. Utah got the win it scheduled, 27-10. I watched most of the game, but almost none of the scoring. Utah got a few scores off of defensive gains, but from what I saw of the game, Montana State actually won 10-3. It was pretty pathetic.
But perhaps that’s not the pattern of the conference. Let’s move instead to Washington, who hosted Eastern Washington. Hmm. They squeahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifked a win out of that but they needed an interception to stay ahead 30-27.
OK, let’s move on. USC hosted a Big Ten team, a bold move to open the season. Of course, they chose last year’s last place team in the Big Ten. They led 19-3 at halftime then let Minnesota steadily come back until the Trojans had to just hold on for a 19-17 win.
So three of the conference’s eight wins could easily have been losses. The other wins were all at home against fairly weak teams. Those five all scored a lot of points, but each of them but Stanford allowed the weak visitor to score at least ten. But the real embarrassment for the Pac-12 should come from the four losses.
The least embarrassing loss is Oregon’s, of course. They played the marquee matchup of the week. They went to Dallas to play against LSU, a fight between two top five teams. LSU played like a champion (and deserve to be ranked # 1 when the rankings come out tomorrow). No shame in losing. Unless you came a field goal away from winning the national championship last year, and your main offensive producer from that season (LaMichael James) is still on the team. So Oregon should have done better.
Two other Pac-12 teams—Colorado and UCLA—went on the road against FBS (Division I) teams. Yet they chose teams from the WAC (Hawaii) and C-USA (Houston), conferences that perennially get the short end of the stick. Both Pac-12 teams lost. Neither game was ever close.
But we have left off one Pac-12 team that hosted an FCS team for its opener. Oregon State scheduled a win against Sacramento State. The game was not as close as the score says. The Beavers had to catch up with their lowly visitor to force overtime—15 points in the fourth quarter to tie the game. Then they lost the overtime battle anyway, 29-28.
The Pac-12 still thinks it’s among college football’s elite. If that is so, it needs to get a lot better.
Yes, you won more games than you lost. Yes, you scored a lot of points. But let’s take a look at how your week really went.
The Pac-12 teams finished 8-4. That’s not too bad, but when they are claiming to be among the BCS elite it’s pretty pathetic. Let’s examine some of the others. The Big 12 (now ten) went 10-0 for the first week, in the middle of talk that the conference could soon die as its best members were pillaged—by the Pac-12. The Big East (which we have all known for years does not deserve its automatic bid) went 8-0. The Big Ten (now twelve) went 10-2. Now, I’ll grant, one of those two losses was to Pac-12 heavyweight USC, but that almost imploded in the Pac-12’s collective face once again.
Shall we take a look at their week?
First, let’s examine Utah, my own neighborhood team. They celebrated their first game as a BCS AQ team in the fashion of most AQ teams: scheduling an unimpressive team from the FCS (formerly division I-AA) at home. A scheduled win. Utah got the win it scheduled, 27-10. I watched most of the game, but almost none of the scoring. Utah got a few scores off of defensive gains, but from what I saw of the game, Montana State actually won 10-3. It was pretty pathetic.
But perhaps that’s not the pattern of the conference. Let’s move instead to Washington, who hosted Eastern Washington. Hmm. They squeahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifked a win out of that but they needed an interception to stay ahead 30-27.
OK, let’s move on. USC hosted a Big Ten team, a bold move to open the season. Of course, they chose last year’s last place team in the Big Ten. They led 19-3 at halftime then let Minnesota steadily come back until the Trojans had to just hold on for a 19-17 win.
So three of the conference’s eight wins could easily have been losses. The other wins were all at home against fairly weak teams. Those five all scored a lot of points, but each of them but Stanford allowed the weak visitor to score at least ten. But the real embarrassment for the Pac-12 should come from the four losses.
The least embarrassing loss is Oregon’s, of course. They played the marquee matchup of the week. They went to Dallas to play against LSU, a fight between two top five teams. LSU played like a champion (and deserve to be ranked # 1 when the rankings come out tomorrow). No shame in losing. Unless you came a field goal away from winning the national championship last year, and your main offensive producer from that season (LaMichael James) is still on the team. So Oregon should have done better.
Two other Pac-12 teams—Colorado and UCLA—went on the road against FBS (Division I) teams. Yet they chose teams from the WAC (Hawaii) and C-USA (Houston), conferences that perennially get the short end of the stick. Both Pac-12 teams lost. Neither game was ever close.
But we have left off one Pac-12 team that hosted an FCS team for its opener. Oregon State scheduled a win against Sacramento State. The game was not as close as the score says. The Beavers had to catch up with their lowly visitor to force overtime—15 points in the fourth quarter to tie the game. Then they lost the overtime battle anyway, 29-28.
The Pac-12 still thinks it’s among college football’s elite. If that is so, it needs to get a lot better.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Utah vs. Montana State
One team brought its "A" game. The other brought its red jerseys.
I was heartily disappointed in the Utes last night. Granted, I didn't see the first quarter, which must be where they scored all their points, but for the part of the game I saw--well over two-and-a-half quarters--the Bobcats outscored the Utes 10-3. Granted, Utah won anyway. But that kind of performance won't be enough next week at USC, and certainly not the week after at BYU.
I guess as a Cougar fan that should make me very happy.
I was heartily disappointed in the Utes last night. Granted, I didn't see the first quarter, which must be where they scored all their points, but for the part of the game I saw--well over two-and-a-half quarters--the Bobcats outscored the Utes 10-3. Granted, Utah won anyway. But that kind of performance won't be enough next week at USC, and certainly not the week after at BYU.
I guess as a Cougar fan that should make me very happy.
Friday, July 17, 2009
PLN
After finishing my master's thesis, the question I am getting from everyone is, 'Now what?" Well, the simple answer is, Pass my class this summer (actually, I'd like to get an A in my class this summer, just because I can). That, however, is not what the askers mean.
I have a number of things I would like to do. One is to get a PhD in English. Another is to write and publish novels. Most importantly, I would like to pay off my house and save a lot of money. When all of those factors are combined and set against that bitter enemy of dreams, Reality, we get the outline of my plan.
1. I love teaching junior high. Getting a PhD is expensive, both in dollars and in time away from my family. If I am going to get a PhD, I need to be ready when I am done to give up teaching junior high and go teach in a college. Before I do that, I need to know that I would also like teaching college classes. I suspect the answer is yes, but Reality says if there is a way to know for sure before leaping off into the expensive unknown, I should. That brings us to
2. With a master's degree, I am qualified to teach freshman and sophomore writing classes at most universities (and many other things at community colleges). So, my next step as far as my scholarly career is to find a position teaching a class or two at one of the local schools. Weber State would be my preference because I know all of the faculty, but I am also planning to apply to the U, SLCC, and the USU extensions. While I do that,
3. I continue to teach at South Davis and
4. Use my commute time, which has been reserved for homework up to this point, to write. I can either work on the novels during that time or work on another Shakespeare project I have in mind, which I hope will become my doctoral dissertation.
And that's the PLN.
I have a number of things I would like to do. One is to get a PhD in English. Another is to write and publish novels. Most importantly, I would like to pay off my house and save a lot of money. When all of those factors are combined and set against that bitter enemy of dreams, Reality, we get the outline of my plan.
1. I love teaching junior high. Getting a PhD is expensive, both in dollars and in time away from my family. If I am going to get a PhD, I need to be ready when I am done to give up teaching junior high and go teach in a college. Before I do that, I need to know that I would also like teaching college classes. I suspect the answer is yes, but Reality says if there is a way to know for sure before leaping off into the expensive unknown, I should. That brings us to
2. With a master's degree, I am qualified to teach freshman and sophomore writing classes at most universities (and many other things at community colleges). So, my next step as far as my scholarly career is to find a position teaching a class or two at one of the local schools. Weber State would be my preference because I know all of the faculty, but I am also planning to apply to the U, SLCC, and the USU extensions. While I do that,
3. I continue to teach at South Davis and
4. Use my commute time, which has been reserved for homework up to this point, to write. I can either work on the novels during that time or work on another Shakespeare project I have in mind, which I hope will become my doctoral dissertation.
And that's the PLN.
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